Thursday 2 October 2014

An ordinary day off in an ordinary life

After a tense week so far, today started well with a conversation about Astronut. Don't know quite how we got onto it, I mean we were still in bed and had only been awake for a few minutes, next thing you know we're talking about Astronut which I haven't thought about for at least a couple of decades, if that. I'd also just stated that I hadn't been a great fan of cartoons as a kid – I was somewhat troubled by the violence in Tom & Jerry, such a sensitive child – but then I added the fateful words, “well, except for...” and found myself listing numerous animations that I'd actively loved.  Astronut was one of them, as was Deputy Dawg (where Astronut  first appeared), all those ones that were shown as part of The Banana Splits (like Arabian Nights, a favourite), The Harlem Globetrotters, Wacky Races, Marine Boy, Scooby Doo, Dangermouse, etc., etc....


As memories of Oscar Mild and his little alien friend continued to return, I got ready to go to the dentists (again) to get a deep clean from the hygienist. This may sound slightly fetishistic but I love the whole hygienist experience. Having my teeth methodically picked at and scraped and made all new and shiny.. mmm... I think it must tap into something primal to do with being groomed, like an animal. (Likewise haircuts and foot tickling. Perhaps it's just the undivided physical attention.)

The only weird thing was being talked to incessantly by a very nice but extremely chatty hygienist whilst completely unable to reply in any coherent form. An odd one-way conversation; she was babbling away about her neighbours' outrageous £34k wedding (£34k??!! - mine cost £9.50 plus two skull-and-crossbones rings and a meal for four at the Italian) and the TV programme she'd watched about the tattooed vigilante paedophile-catcher...  and all I could do was vaguely grunt with my mouth open. I tried to communicate with my eyes – opening them wider on hearing about the happy couple's chocolate fountain and giant Jenga game, and tightening them in a frown at the other tales with the obviously darker theme. All the while the hygienist's stomach rumbled in the background, right behind my reclined head; it was lunchtime. Quite surreal.

When that was over I got into the car, grinned into the rear view mirror to check for bloodstains and vowed never to eat another Mars Bar, let alone go near a chocolate fountain.


From there it was on to B&Q to buy paint and to hear the strange cut-price versions of popular songs piped out into the aisles that make me laugh every time. They always seem to choose songs whose originals have idiosyncratic vocals which just emphasises the ridiculousness of the copies. We often wonder how much they must pay these session singers and musicians to record these covers – is it really cheaper than paying for royalties and PRS licences or whatever it is the originals demand? Today 'Rock The Casbah' got this odd, passionless treatment. Serendipitously, as we got back into the car with a big tin of undercoat and put on the radio, the Clash original came on and all was well again.

Later I walked down to the Co-op to ask if they could spare some old cardboard boxes (we're emptying the kitchen at the weekend in readiness for new units. It'll be like moving house, looking for the bottle-opener and a can of baked beans in the depths of chaos.) I stopped a young lad as he went about his business and gave him my warmest, twinkliest smile. I do believe I was flirting, ever so slightly. It seemed to work and he couldn't do enough for me, running about looking for suitable containers: I'll see if we have anything a bit bigger... and... Will this be OK?... and...Are these enough? “That's brilliant, thank you ever so much” I said as I tucked the flat Doritos boxes under my arms and beamed at him again. Anything to show off my sparkly clean teeth, after all.

15 comments:

  1. Flirting for a cardboard box! Never works for me in Aldi!! Those women have hearts of stone. I'm sure dentists love the fact they have a captive audience for their chit-chat - and one that can't answer back.
    Your cartoon list is a hit with me - perfect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those women in your Aldi store obviously have no taste.... :-)

      I get my kicks anywhere I can find them these days, getting teeth cleaned, flirting for cardboard boxes... this is what it comes to.

      Good to hear you appreciate the same cartoons - they were great, weren't they?



      Delete
    2. Bear - It really is criminal what they get away with.

      C - I cannot see a chocolate fountain without thinking of Golden Corral. It's this buffet restaurant...that is every nightmare one has about buffets. Two buffets for 10 bucks...eat all you want from the trough.
      Sticky carpets!
      Anyway, they have a chocolate fountain...God only knows how long that chocolate cycles through...how many toddler fingers have been in it or what's at the bottom. I shudder.

      Delete
    3. Erik - I'm trying not to imagine the Golden Corral too vividly, just too stomach-churning...
      Where I worked once had its own canteen and a big self-service salad bar. I remember once, I had a bit of a cold and was helping myself to some lunch, so I reached out to dish some coleslaw onto my plate and a tissue that I'd been using fell from my pocket into the food; I was mortified. Enough to put anyone off using those buffet type things.

      Delete
  2. I love these slice-of-life posts :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks mondoagogo. My life is so dull most of the time that trips to the dentist and to B&Q become highlights...!

      Delete
  3. So it's not just me who's bemused by the B&Q muzak. I used to have to endure much the same kind of infernal pollution of the lugholes all day, everyday in the coffee shop where I worked. This time of year was the worst. At the beginning of October the first instore Christmas CD arrived - crappy covers of Shakin' Stevens, Greg Lake and Slade seasonal songs interspersed with carols. And the customers wondered why staff festive cheer was thin on the ground come December 24th!
    I'm glad I haven't heard B&Q's version of 'Rock the Casbah' - a man can only be pushed so far.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh no, bad enough having to endure the Christmas songs on constant repeat when they're the real thing, let alone crappy covers. (Btw, they started putting the Christmas stuff on display in our Tesco two weeks ago... I despair....September???!!!)
      The Rock The Casbah version will certainly sound dismal to your ears, but if nothing else it'll make you laugh.

      Delete
  4. Wandering around Morrison's yesterday my ears were invaded by something truly horrible. With your post about B&Q muzak in mind, I thought, 'What this ghastly version of 'An Englishman In New York'?'. I then realised why it sounded so bad, it was Sting's original!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Flirting to achieve ones goals...Mmmmm!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bet you've done that once or twice too, eh....?

      Delete
  6. Nice post. I always find music playing while I'm in the dentist's chair really disconcerting- as if it wasn't enough someone was in there doing stuff, they have something shit playing on the radio or (rarely) something good I now associate with pain

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks SA. I do know what you mean about music at the dentist's - I don't mind if it's a routine checkup or something but with anything else I really don't want to have to hear the likes of Rihanna, whose nasally warblings already set my teeth on edge, making my painany worse...

      Delete

Please come in, the door is open

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...