I could not believe the colour of the sky today...
I mean, just look at that!
The snow of last week has melted and even though the cold air
was cutting and I was wrapped in a thick fluffy coat, the overly long sleeves
of my jumper pulled down to envelop the cuffs of my gloves, that feeling of
soaking up the warm sunshine on my face seemed like an act of defiance.
I strode briskly up to the church, through the graveyard and
then along to my favourite place, this long avenue of lime trees. I love
the way the huge clusters of mistletoe adorn the trees’ branches like giant
green pom-poms.
When I walk like this, I drift into a sort of autopilot
mode; my mind goes into freefall; I'm sure most people find the same when walking alone. I love these moments of solitude in my head.
I started thinking about all sorts of things – about WWI
soldiers (we’d watched the incredibly poignant film ‘They Shall Not Grow Old’ last night) and about Henry Moore’s sheep
drawings and about the blister on the back of my ankle and what it might look
like when I take off my sock. (Not good,
as it happens.Raw!) But then all those thoughts trickled away,
just trickled away…. they had been too busy… and I started to notice only how heightened my
senses had become, out here, in the cold, in the sun, in the moment.Everything
so vivid.I could hear a bluetit up in
the branches, then a mistle thrush.I
could smell the manure from the fields, hear the crunch of gravel beneath my
boots and the squeaky wheel of a tricycle ahead in the distance as a small child
navigated his way between potholes, I could see the rooks on the gate, their
plumage illuminated by the sunlight.
I just went with it, feeling in every sense totally, dazzlingly, alive. (Sorry to be so corny.)
Inevitable then, anyway, that this song should come into my head!
It was just a little box of second-hand singles, but I
reckon that’s where it all began, the moment that music took on a lifelong meaning.I can’t even recall quite how they came into
our possession - something to do with my teenage sister; she’d either bought
them for a few pence, been given them or swapped them, I think.But I do remember that there was much excitement
about their addition to the family’s music collection.
I would’ve been about 8 or 9 I think.My personal record collection at that point
comprised a 7” EP of children’s songs on yellow vinyl (‘How Much Is That Doggy
In The Window’ being my fave track), some Pinky & Perky, something from the
Nutcracker Suite, and a concerto by Handel, or was it Mozart, on 45 in a shiny picture
sleeve.I wasn’t able to discern between
Pinky & Perky and Mozart - but how free you are at that age, totally lacking any
self-consciousness about genre; as far as I was concerned each had their own merits.
Downstairs in the very modern Danish style G Plan cabinet
where the hi-fi, books and my mum's pottery were housed there were a few other records,
but nothing that was of much interest to me: some jazz, opera and classical, one or two Reader’s Digest freebie flexi-discs, Glen Miller I think.So this box of singles made quite a
statement; they were pop records.
Childhood memories are funny – the things that can seem quite
unremarkable to an adult can be so vibrantly sensual to a child and imbued with
the most vivid associations and feelings.Those old singles do just that to me.I can clearly remember the ones I really liked, their B-sides too.They were about more than just the tunes, they
were about the weight and the shine of the vinyl, the touch of the creased paper
sleeves, and about the room and the rugs and the cats and the curtains.Their labels
are indelibly imprinted in my psyche too - the colours, the logos, the type
style.My mind drifts now to the way
this is so perfectly expressed in the words to 'Over The Border' by St Etienne:
“…. green and yellow harvests, pink pies, silver bells…” We know what they mean!
In this particular box the pies/Pyes were blue, and a faithful
terrier listening to an old wind-upgramophone was silver on black.
Within this small collection was one of my favourite songs
of all-time – one of my bestest, most favouritest songs ever ever in fact - so it deserves a post of its own some day but I can’t write about
the rest without mentioning it here.I
was totally hooked on this song and still am.I could play it over and over and never tire of it (and I did, probably driving my parents and sister mad).I wonder what it is that makes it
so special and enduring, and what was it about it that appealed to me so much,
even as a child?
The Kinks: Days
(eternal perfection)
But the others in the box all had their own unique appeal, here's what they were:
I loved the catchy soulfulness of ‘Build Me Up Buttercup’
by the Foundations and was intrigued, and slightly unnerved by its contrasting B Side, ‘New Direction’ - a strangely doomy, jazzy/psychy number.
The Foundations: New Direction
'Do Wah Diddy Diddy' by Manfred Mann had obvious singalong appeal to a child of my age. ‘What You Gonna Do?’ on the B-side was far less
commercial – a classic example of raw ‘60s R’n’B.
Manfred Mann: What You Gonna Do?
'I’ll Be There' by the Jackson Five - well, a little later I had some pictures of the Jackson Five on my wall (next to the Osmonds), of course I liked it!
'Love Child' by Diana Ross & The Supremes - a song I still hear in my head with pops and crackles. What a fine example of classy soul,
not that I would have understood that word then.
There were a couple of singles I was less keen on, one of them was '(If Paradise Is) Half As Nice' by Amen
Corner – I didn’t like the voice, I still don't.
And then there was also 'I Can’t Let Maggie Go' by the Honeybus – famous for its use
in the Nimble advert and anyone as old as me will remember the girl in the balloon who "flew like a bird in the sky". However, I much preferred the fabulous B side, ‘Tender Are The Ashes’ and I still really love this
song with its uptempo groovy Northern Soul vibe.
The Honeybus: Tender Are The Ashes
Finally there was a record that always sounded a bit more grown-up to
me.I think it was because of the harmonica combined with the fact that it was an
instrumental - it was 'Groovin’ With Mr Bloe' by Mr
Bloe. You know it, of course you do!
I don’t know what happened to them in the
end - they weren't mine! - but I continued to dig them out and play them in the interim years and even after I started buying my own brand new singles. By
the time Abba, then Buzzcocks, etc. each arrived on the scene
for me, records from the previous 10 years seemed bloody ancient. But there was something about this small selection that made them immune to my teenage prejudice against the past
and all things out-of-date. The feelings, those first far-reaching feelings, endured. I think it must
simply be because that’s where my love of music all began.
We snarled and swaggered and posed our way through our chosen song and
won third prize in the Miming Competition. Maybe there were only three acts. I think we got away with it; we
must have been pretty... convincing?
Despite being a bit drunk.
And fourteen.
And, you know...
...female!
Thank god there was no YouTube in '78. No camera-phones. It must have been horrendous. But perhaps that's why we were so uninhibited too? It was a moment in time, spontaneous, never to be recorded or viewed again. A moment, that's all. Here today, gone tomorrow. Whatever happened to that?!
So, how it was is this: my friend and I had tipsily convinced ourselves we could enter a competition (part of a free live music event in a local park) just as it was happening, with no real forethought and certainly no preparation. Oh, the bravado! I would never do something like that in all the years since. I suppose it was like a forerunner to Karaoke (we're talking 40+ years ago, after all) although without the live vocals, just the posturing. I do remember standing there and not really being able to see the crowd, just looking out in a cider-induced daze, imagining myself as Johnny - a silly, inebriated, normally shy schoolgirl doing her best to mimic a fully-grown man. There are two key things about that which I was just never going to pull off: fully-grown and man (ifyou'll please excuse the double entendre). And glancing across at my dear mate, who was doing the same. I think we 'won' some record tokens.
When we came off the stage we were both immediately chatted up by a pair of young lads who perhaps saw our bluster as a sign that we were a couple of goers. I don't remember a lot about what happened next but suffice it to say I became vaguely acquainted with a skinhead boy who told me he was on holiday (?!) from Borstal. Class! Actually I seem to recall he was quite nice but I only got to see him in the dark so who can say?
Pretty vacant sums it all up....
Aren't you glad sometimes that, like me, you're all grown-up and sensible now?!
They excite me so much, I can’t resist telling people.Anyone who’ll listen: my hairdresser, the
neighbours, the guy who works down the chip shop (swears he’s Elvis), you….
I’m generally met with a look of complete
indifference and the feeling that nobody really cares. I understand.Maybe it’s hard to get how anyone can be this excited by worms. But I have fallen head-over-heels in love with my little
herd ( to use the correct term) of Tiger Worms and European Nightcrawlers - as introduced here.
They’re tucked away in the shed for the Winter now, their Wormery home wrapped in paper and bubble wrap to keep them
warm, and every day I trudge down there first thing, before I’ve even had a
wash or a cup of tea, to check on them.Lift the lid and have a little peek, careful not to expose them to prolonged bright light, as their skin is ultra-sensitive to it and too much will cause
them harm.Check the thermometer on the
wall and if it’s below 10 degrees, tuck them up again.
There’s something incredibly soothing about
checking out your worms - it should be prescribed as a form of therapy. Unlike the common earthworm which likes to burrow deep, composting worms spend more time on the surface so it’s possible to see them just by lifting their bedding. Watch them slowly eating their way through their
food, or occasionally one may climb up the inside of
the worm bin for a little wander and a change of scene, especially if they sense it’s
raining outside, which they can - even
from inside a bin, inside a shed. Who knows what else they know that we can't even begin to understand?
Occasionally
I’ll find a pair mating – side by side, pressed up to each other
tightly for a couple of hours (!), hermaphrodites
with multiple hearts (three more than a Time Lord!) -am I selling them to you yet?
If not, just one more thing.... It struck me as I was walking yesterday that worms
truly are the gentlest and worthiest of creatures.They don’t fight or kill each other or any
other being over food, territory, or mates.They co-exist harmoniously with other species and
are undemanding of each other.If there’s not enough food
for them all in one place, older worms will move on to seek it elsewhere to
let the younger ones feed more easily.And they
self-regulate their population – too many baby worms starting to hatch in a confined
space? – they’ll simply stop breeding until their numbers level out again. Maybe
we could learn a thing or two from them.
I know, I know! I put out a quiz and then take over a week to post the answers, terrible. My excuse is that I've been distracted and frazzled by a work project which has had me labouring on through to late evening all week followed by some sleepless nights worrying about it. This morning I finally decided it just wasn't worth it and have made the choice to pull out before it gets too far down the line to be salvaged. The first time I've ever had to do that and to walk away from the biggest fee I've ever been offered, so it feels pretty bad, but I know I just can't risk making myself ill over illustrating a children's book... Decision made and (a very carefully worded) email sent, now it's like a weight's been lifted and I can get back to more important things for a while... like the Mystery Lovechild results!
So - without further ado...
Firstly, thanks so much to all who had a go at these. It's a complicated business trying to add up points (well it is for me), let alone giving an individual breakdown, so I'll see what I can work out later, but in the meantime here's the evidence of the guilty parties responsible for our freaky hybrids.
1.
Kate Bush and Barry Manilow produced someone who is "strangely alluring" (to quote Rol, who guessed correctly). Surprisingly she turned out less Hammer Horror and more Mandy. It was just Barry's eyes, brows and nose here.
2.
Yes, it's Beyoncé and Kanye West. Eagle-eyed Yve warns me that "their other 'alves will not be 'appy" so we won't linger too long, but Kanye's distinctive nose and jaw make all the difference to Beyoncé here. Well, she did sing 'If I Were A Boy'...
3.
The name Dolly Dylan has such a ring to it; I just wish she didn't look quite so much like someone I used to work with. Indeed, it's Dolly Parton's eyes and hair, with the bottom half of Bob Dylan's face. No matter how much he might protest with his "It Ain't Me Babe" line, it clearly is...
4.
I was quite shocked at how easily these two blended. The eyebrows are pretty much interchangeable, their noses and mouths and placement of features very similar. It's only Paul McCartney's eyes and nose (and his right eyebrow) but I think they're still pretty recognisable on Sinead O'Connor's head, as did Yve and Chris.
5.
Recognising the 'big-nosed bard from Barking' here proved quite tricky (it's only his mouth, big nose and chin) but Alyson correctly identified Billy Bragg with a little hint! Alison Moyet is more obvious - well, that hair of course...
6.
Ian Brown meets Miki Berenyi and the result is a single girl who may wanna be adored. Definitely one for Swiss Adam who quickly spotted Ian, and I think Miki was on the tip of his tongue...
7.
Possibly the result of too much dancing in the dark, this bearded beauty is the progeny of Bruce Springsteen and Cher. As you all knew. Bet she wishes she could turn back time.
8.
So it seems Rod Stewart's genes were easy to spot (but he doesn't want to talk about it). Less obvious was Stevie Nicks, who only contributed her eyes, nose and fringe.
9.
This year's model is the result of endless love between Mariah Carey and Elvis Costello...
10.
Perhaps the last one was hardest of all. A blend of Art Garfunkel (hair, mouth, face shape) with Dusty Springfield (eyes, brows, fringe and nose). Yve correctly spotted them after some clues, but I can see where Chris was coming from with his suggestion of Taylor Swift.
And that's the lot. The clear winner was Yve, with a massive 17 points out of a possible 20, and then she was kind enough to create some wonderful mystery love children of her own (if you see what I mean) so that I could play along too, which was great fun for me. Do go and have a look! As we are both artists we have concluded that there is definitely something about the way we view people that helps us. But beware if you ever find yourself travelling on the same train as either of us, you may notice us drawing you with our eyes (not just staring in a scary, stalkery way, honest...)
Big thanks to Chris, Rol, Alyson and Swiss Adam for their answers too - lots of correct suggestions there and every mystery solved, pretty quickly too. Far more quickly than I could get around to posting this, that's for sure.
It's all over for another year, the days are short and dark and my mind has been wandering again, as have my hands, all over the Photoshop effects menu. Time for something pointless and ridiculous to fill the late gloomy hours when there is little else of value to be achieved apart from eating another chocolate liqueur and instantly regretting it.
If you've been here for a couple of past 'mystery lovechild' posts you'll know the premise: What might the secret offspring, born to a famous but unlikely set of musical parents, look like?
Previously we've had, for instance, John Lydon and Joni Mitchell, whose curious 'lovechild' turned out like this:
I gather that DNA testing kits were given as Christmas presents by millions of people this year. But why go to all the trouble of spitting into a test tube when you can see the evidence of the genes right here in black and white?
I'd love to know who you suspect might be responsible for the conception of the characters below. No rush - the results will be confirmed some time next year (i.e. next week!)
I love Andy Warhol's illustrations for Christmas cards that were commissioned by Tiffany & Co. during the late '50s up to 1962. Much like his gorgeous inky jazz album covers, I find their simplicity and freshness really charming.
You can’t keep a good song down, that’s what I used to
think. However, having heard a few ruined by having all the guts taken
out and incorporating a simpering female vocal to soundtrack an advert, I’ve changed my mind about
that statement.
But this isn’t one of those songs.I haven’t yet heard a
bad version, and hope I never will.
Here are four renditions of 'Leaving Here' and, I hope you’ll
agree, they’re all excellent.
THE BIRDS
As it happens, I heard these four versions in the wrong order.The first time I came across 'Leaving Here' was on a mini-album of tracks by British r’n’b group The Birds released
on Edsel in the mid-80s.I'd never heard of the Birds before then (only the Byrds) and had been unaware that a certain Ronnie Wood played guitar for them before his time with the
Faces and the Stones. There's loads that can be said about Ronnie but I'll offer something a bit more random.... it's about a jacket. Whenever I think of Ronnie, I think of my friend H and how jealous I
am of an item of clothing she owns (and sometimes wears).It’s
a gorgeous slim-fitting, striped boating jacket that used to belong to Mr Wood
himself!It came into her possession
through a friend of hers who just happened to be married to Ron’s brother Art, and it looks a bit like this...
She lets me stroke it from time to time.
Alongside Ron Wood in the Birds line-up was vocalist Ali Mackenzie. Some years ago I was lucky enough to enjoy the brilliant Small Faces tribute band, The Small
Fakers, perform the whole of 'Ogden’s Nut Gone Flake' (complete with Stanley
Unwin’s nephew there, narrating the relevant bits) at the 100 Club. As the night drew to a close,Ali Mackenzie joined them on stage to give us a few extra numbers by the
Birds, including this song.It was as
close as we were going to get to the real thing (both Small Faces and Birds) and
I loved every minute.
MOTORHEAD
Some time after discovering the Birds’ version and thinking it was their song, I must have heard it by Motorhead, although I’m not even sure I put two and
two together at the time and certainly didn't know of its true origin.
Motorhead transcended boundaries when it came to musical
genres, didn’t they? Research tells me they recorded this
in December 1976 and it was due to be released as a single by Stiff Records, but
they were still under contract to United Artists at the time who prevented its
release (in spite of UA’s refusal to issue Motorhead’s debut album).So it didn’t make it as single at the time,
although it did turn up on the eponymous Motorhead album on the Chiswick label the
following year.
I missed out on
seeing Motorhead in 1978 when they played our local venue; I was only 14 and they were far too hairy and scary. My sister went, though, and said it was
so loud she thought her ears were going to bleed. At least Mr SDS and I did once wave to Lemmy
across a street in Notting Hill (and he waved back, bless him!)
EDDIE HOLLAND
Eventually, I got to listen to the original! Eddie Holland released it in
1963. Eddie was of course one third of the Holland-Dozier-Holland song-writing and production team responsible for many Motown hits. A far better informed friend of mine who knows his '60s soul introduced me to it, and it's great to hear the purity and power of the song's first appearance complete with brass, having only heard others' versions first.
THE STRYPES
And finally, I heard a much more recent version when highly revered and incredibly young Irish band The Strypes, who had a penchant for the retro sound of bands such as the Yardbirds and Dr Feelgood, recorded it for their 2012 EP 'Young Gifted And Blue'. They were all still in their teens, but the song itself, by that time nearly forty years old, suits them perfectly. I found out in the course of writing this post that only a few weeks ago they announced that they were breaking up. I guess they just packed in so much at such a tender age and I'm not sure where else was left for them to go, so I can understand and respect them for that.
Before I finish here, an honourable mention should also go to the Who who recorded an excellent cover, just as you'd expect.
So, I just have to hope no-one comes along and spoils it now... I don't think a soft tinkly piano version with a withering sing-song vocal would really cut it.
