Wednesday 22 January 2014

On easiness, blogging and a missing song

There's a line from a song I used to have, and I can't find the track nor remember the title but this tiny fragment of a lyric sticks in my mind:

  “???? girl, at ease in this world...”

Without wishing to sound wilfully obscure I think it was off the Someloves cassette that I had years ago. I didn't know of this Australian power pop band (who've made an appearance on this blog before, here) until a good friend recorded some tracks for me in the '80s, but later when I'd saved up enough to visit Australia I bought the album there.  It was the only musical souvenir I came back with (I didn't get a didgeridoo) and I played it incessantly for a period. And then for some mad reason I gave it away...

All that's beside the point, though - the point is that lyric. It stayed in my mind 'cause every time I heard that line I smiled and thought, “Yes! That's what I want to be...at ease in this world.” I'd have this vision in my head of a new improved version of me, the me I aspired to be. 'At ease in this world' means at ease with oneself, I think. Isn't that the ultimate, just to feel like that? Don't most of our problems stem from lacking a sense of self...  self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth?

Whilst there's loads about the tangible world I'm very uneasy with - the usual big issues like war (what is it good for) - I think I'm as at ease with myself now as I'll ever be, if it's about knowing and accepting yourself, shortcomings and all.  Must be an age thing!  No matter who accompanies us physically and partly shapes our experiences and personalities throughout life, we're still completely alone in ourselves, aren't we? - so it does help to be comfortable with the one and only person you spend your entire existence with...

This reminds me, I was talking to someone the other day who had a little bit of a snipe at blogging. (But please don't slag them off, I love them!) Their impression of blogging is that it's too full of people being navel-gazing or nostalgic, that it's really just the worst kind of vanity publishing and that it's pointless just posting music and pictures. I quickly sprang to its defence, naturally. I spend a lot of time working alone and whilst very happy in my own company, blogs help to remind me that there are so many interesting people and so much good writing, art and music that I mightn't come across otherwise (you can find some down the right hand side).  I miss real-life banter and stimulating debates with different people, so it's like my coffee machine conversation, a lunchtime mag or music rag, it's meetings of minds, sharing of memories, and trips to the gigs, libraries or galleries that I don't get to see.  Plus when I'm working I find I have random conversations with myself (but don't worry, not out loud), then as I've nobody new to discuss my thoughts with at the time I keep them 'til later, when I might write a post. Or leave a comment. The interactive side of blogging is a great bonus, an affirmation that there are others at the end of an internet connection with whom I feel at ease and I hope they - you - are at ease with me too.

Anyway I can't find the bloody song anywhere although I've searched lyrics sites and Youtube clips. Oh god, what if I imagined it all?!  Too much time on my own, navel-gazing.

8 comments:

  1. For me, blogging is mostly just an extension of what I did in the shop. I hear something I like and want to share it with other people, with a bit of chat included. The personal stuff I occasionally get into is by way of an aide-memoire, something to leave behind, as I seriously doubt that I'll ever be called upon to pen an autobiography! I don't find writing easy and I'm well aware of my shortcomings in that department, but I enjoy it tremendously and find it very rewarding. So in that sense, your friend is dead right - it is a vanity project of sorts! But I also really enjoy the interaction between the blogs and bloggers that I'm particularly fond of, now that I lead a somewhat more reclusive lifestyle. If I sat down in a pub with you, Old Pa, Singing Bear, flycasual, John Medd, Monkey, Kolley & Bel Mondo (where did they disappear to by the way?) and the rest, I'm pretty sure that eventually the conversations would flow in much the same way as some of our posts and comments do. I am indeed at ease in my little corner of the internet. Still working on being at ease with myself in the real world though.

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    1. Totally get what you're saying! And your writing is so engaging, I'm glad you do it. I think it's a simple case of doing what we enjoy - and I enjoy both 'ends' of it, the reading, looking and listening part and the writing and sharing of my own. Why the hell not!

      I think the pub in question might have to have a lock-in...

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  2. I'm totally at ease in your world C. And what a ringing endorsement from TS too. We should arrange to hook-up, all of us, and shoot the breeze over a couple of beers - other drinks are available. I've met up with fellow bloggers (and all round good eggs) Mondo and Piley a couple of times now and have always had the best of times. J

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    1. Ah thank you John... same here. I'd love to meet everyone, you're all so warm and, as The Swede says, I'm sure the conversations would flow. Have suddenly become aware that my blog readers possibly know more about my past and some of my innermost thoughts (as well as some saucy dreams) than quite a few of the people I know in person, though, and that's kind of weird...!
      Your times with Mondo and Piley sound great.

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  3. My commitment to blogging (at least as I'm doing it now) is being seriously tested. It's not just my own pair shaped blog...but, the work computer I use to keep up with blogs during the week has entered a death spiral.

    The relationships I've developed with people through blogging is proof of it's worth to me.

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    1. I do so hope you can overcome the technological hitches and won't stop (please don't!) I guess we all go through phases; right now I can't seem to stop an urge to put things out here and I don't know quite why, other times I feel less communicative, but I think that's just natural waxing and waning! As long as you keep it live, it's always there when the moment's right. I feel just the same about the relationships. That side of it is more significant than I could ever have realised.

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  4. I suppose it is a Vanity thing in away....but I do enjoy it....I certainly know my limitations, but I can appreciate good writing and you certainly qualify there.
    A meet in a Pub with blogging pals sounds pretty good to me.....

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    1. If we enjoy reading and writing them, then that's all that counts I reckon!
      See you down the pub!

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