Imagine you live in a rural area where there’s still, amazingly, a local milk round. You’ve been using it for years – getting a couple of pints delivered three times a week; the milkman puts them inside your little plastic container on your doorstep early in the morning, no problem. One day your two bottles of fresh milk get nicked. The same thing happens a couple of weeks later.
Hmm, so what will you do if it happens again?!
1) Cancel the milkman
2) Put a note in the container that says FUCK OFF YOU THIEVING SCUMBAG
3) Lie in wait for however long it takes to catch the offender red-handed and confront them
4) Fill up two empty milk bottles with white paint, replace the foil tops like new and put out for the taking....
5) Leave a packet of luxury biscuits alongside a note that reads, “Sorry you’re so desperate that you need to steal milk - have these on us and we’ll say no more about it”
6) Do nothing, if it happens again just let it go
Or something else...?
I'm on 6 at the moment (having merely fantasised about 4). The milk thief could be anyone, couldn't it? Someone struggling to get by on meagre benefits, unable to cope with their rent and bills, stooping that low. It's not like they stole our car. Then again they might just be a selfish arsehole. Who knows?
But at least it gives me a tenuous excuse to post a favourite song. This was actually the track that first made me take notice of Saint Etienne some years ago, with huge thanks to a friend who was way ahead of me there; I was a bit late to the party. But I’ve never looked back.