Sunday, 7 January 2024

In stitches, part two

Well, it's been a very long time coming but on this dull January day the moment is right for me to bestow upon you some more fine fashion tips from the pile of old knitting magazines which had me oohing and ahhing for all the wrong reasons a few years ago.

If your life is a little short of levity at the moment, I can honestly recommend a quick browse through the pages of some 1960s editions of 'Pins and Needles' for some mindless therapy.  

Of course exercise is also good therapy - one hour of high intensity knitting in an unheated room burns up 174 and a half calories (... don't check that...) -  but it turns out there's an easier way to shed a few post-Christmas pounds (and heat the room at the same time with the flush from your cheeks): try holding embarrassingly awkward poses for a family photoshoot wearing only your newly created woolly sports undies...



You can read whatever you like into this one... (and click to enlarge).  Promises, promises.



And if only life were this simple... hmm... 



"Start something exciting?"  Only as long as you also know how to cast off, as he's looking a bit shifty to me.


There's nothing remotely patronising in the tone of these ads, oh no





But I fear that after a lifetime of knitting for my husband I could end up looking like this...



...much to the horror of everyone else, including Tom Jones (as if giant daffodils weren't scary enough)



But the knitting isn't limited to golf jackets and nightmare dolls - why not crochet a bowl?  Or, to put it more aptly, why crochet a bowl?



Ditto the above...


Happy New Year!

21 comments:

  1. I feel cheated that none of the men folk are smoking a pipe. I thought it was the law that all men sporting knitwear had to be sucking on an ounce or two of shag.

    JM

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    1. This is what we want!

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    2. Ah, I knew there was something missing! I hope the first picture here makes up for that..
      https://sundriedsparrows.blogspot.com/2014/02/knit-it.html

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  2. Is the use of the phrase 'click to enlarge' when introducing the advert ending 'the promise is on the knob' a deliberate attempt at innuendo, or is that just my sordid imagination?

    Tom looks terrified, and rightly so.

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    1. Purely my subconscious mind, Ernie - it gets up to all sorts when I'm not looking.
      I still can't quite figure what that Tom cover is all about.

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  3. To be fair, Tom is carrying off the crochet sweater reasonably well.

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    1. He is, isn't he? I suspect he's grateful too that they didn't dress him in the fetching number shown in pic 1.

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  4. I'm scratching just thinking about it!

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    Replies
    1. Oof yes - those woolly undies would surely cause rashes in places we didn't even know...

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  5. Brilliant C. Tom looks as if he's a cast member in a production of Day of the Triffids.

    Actually I started knitting during my last few weeks in hospital as it's good therapy - knitted little Santas. One of my friends sent me some beautiful wool and a jumper pattern (much nicer than the ones above) as a Christmas present. "Itching" to get started on it.

    As for picture one. I used to work with a chap who wore string pants and he tucked his shirt into them - visible above his trousers when he bent over. Looking back, maybe his wife had that pattern and knitted them.

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    1. I can understand how soothing knitting can be and great idea for therapy while you were in hospital. Did you about Japanese amigarumi? Sounds as if your little Santas would be just that - something to remember next time you tell someone what you've been making!
      Oh no, I'm imagining your colleague's string pants display rather too vividly now. Hope he didn't get, erm, too caught up.

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  6. Wonderful stuff, C. I love adverts from this era - their lies are much more direct than the shiftier, glossier lies adverts tell us these days.

    My dad had a chest expander like the one in the first picture when I was young. He also had a rowing machine. I'm not sure why he needed either of them, since he got plenty of exercise working on the farm. I expect it dated back to his National Service days. Anyway, I used to try my hand with both... but they were lethal.

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    1. I never thought of it like that, Rol, but that's so right - direct lies back then, less of the manipulative gloss we get now.
      Those chest expanders indeed look lethal and could surely lead to some nasty pingback accidents. At the same time I'm also getting a musical instrument vibe about them - imagining you could get a tune out of them like a cross between a musical saw and a concertina.

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  7. The first picture raises so many questions

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    1. Ha, yes. I don't think I want to know the answers...

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  8. My cousin used to have a chest expander. I would sneak a surreptitious go when visiting him. Pingback taught me a swift lesson. Smaller, weaker cousins should keep well away from the interesting contents of their elders closets. Life lesson 114. To cap it all I had a string vest.

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    1. That made me laugh, Ben - a string vest and pingback from a chest expander?! Just hope you never posed for photos with either of them!

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  9. This is brilliant, C.

    If you were the first family, you definitely wouldn’t want to get caught in a rainstorm and soaked through, you’d weigh a ton and have undies sagging everywhere!

    As for the 13-and-a-half inch tall doll… the stuff of nightmares!

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    1. Glad you enjoyed the pics (if "enjoyed" is the right word), Khayem. Haha, god yes, imagine those woolly undies when wet - or perhaps not!
      I can't believe that anyone actually thought that creepy doll could have the merest iota of appeal to anyone, unless for voodoo purposes.

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