Sunday 3 April 2022

Daylight robbery

I don’t know whether we look more like ageing beatnik chicks or Mafia wives, all of us dressed in black and with chic boots and dark glasses.  One friend wearing a smartly tailored coat, the other with her nails immaculately polished, me with crimson painted lips.  We make our way to an old building at the end of town - coincidentally the same place we’d convened many times long ago - in fact, over forty years back.  It was once the venue where, with wide-eyed adolescent adulation, we'd watched Siouxsie & The Banshees perform before they’d even got a record deal and where we’d seen Adam & The Antz many months prior to the release of ‘Dirk Wears White Sox’ (oh, how to make yourself feel ancient!)  Also where the Newtown Neurotics and Crass became our local heroes.  I could go on.  But it's certainly a building full of ghosts from our past, and I half expect to see a gaggle of punks around each corner and to delve into my handbag for Polos to hide the smell of forbidden cigarettes from my parents.  Ah, there are parts of me which would go back to that time in a heartbeat; I’d skip the teenage angst and the school night curfews, but…yes, the gigs!

Anyway, here we are at our old stomping ground (no longer that music venue and arts centre), three women in our late fifties, about to embark on something completely new.  That’s one of the things about getting older, isn’t it?  That there are fewer and fewer ‘first times’.  But this experience is still uncharted territory; it’s definitely the first time any of us has robbed a bank…

An hour later, as orange lights flash and alarms sound around us, we are sitting in the back of a transit van, leaving behind us a trail of gold bars, magnetic keys, bank cards and a gun.  Oops, did I say gun?  I do of course mean a grabber stick.  We’ve ordered a pizza for a security guard and laced it with laxative so that he’s waylaid in the loo.  We’ve hidden in cupboards, hacked a computer and fiddled with frustrating padlocks.  There was that moment when each of us tried to turn one of those number locks by torchlight, on the underside of a table it was, too - but the glare was too much for our glasses…that’s the problem with varifocals, I find.   I must bear that in mind should I ever want to pull off another heist.  Still, in spite of that somehow we’re not quite yet too old for this malarkey, because it’s undoubtedly one of the daftest, silliest things I’ve done in a long while and the laughter along with our bank-robbing ineptitude will remain with me for some time.

Of course no security guard was harmed in the process and the gold bullion was made of wood, but as far as those ‘first times’ go, my first ‘Escape Room’ experience was a good one... 


Well, it had to be this!

12 comments:

  1. That sounds like great fun - and a lovely piece of writing too, C.

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    1. Thanks - yes, great fun. It was very escapist (no pun intended) and oddly thrilling!

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  2. As Rol says, that sounds like great fun. I've heard of the 'Escape Room' experience but never tried it yet.

    Bet you all looked very stylish and chic in your black outfits, tailored coats and crimson lipstick. A timeless look however old we get.

    Hope it was good nostalgia you felt at being back in your old stomping ground. I can sometimes get maudlin about the past, as yes, I too would go back in a heartbeat, but know I can't. Great memories though by the sound of it.

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    1. I think you'd have enjoyed this one, Alyson, so if there's a good one near you maybe you could give it a go with some friends/family? We were asked to dress in dark clothes to add to the mood but I do wonder how we must have looked when we turned up at the pub for our lunch all dressed practically the same - like members of some weird cult, probably!
      Yes, happy memories were triggered without being maudlin. Perhaps it helps that it's still the three of us, and we've got this far through the various ups and downs of life but with our easy friendship still intact. Mind you I do miss the excitement of seeing those bands for the first time and being part of something that felt so special and important. All I can say is I'm glad we went through it!

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  3. I drive past one of these near us quite often and wonder what it's like. Sounds like fun from your description.

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    1. I had no idea what to expect but it was just such a laugh - mainly because we were so crap at it and it didn't matter at all (quite refreshing to be crap at something and not worry about it!) Also the sense of teamwork - I don't like really competitive stuff so it's just lovely to be working towards the same thing with your mates and not taking it too seriously. I'd recommend it for silliness!

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    2. I could imagine giving it 15 minutes and then thinking 'fuck it' and just having a nice sit down for the rest of the hour.

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    3. It's always an option...

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  4. I need to see the group photo; you know what the kids say - if there's no photograph it didn't happen.

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    1. Ah then I'm afraid it didn't happen...

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  5. That sounds like an absolute blast. What a lovely piece of writing C.

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    1. Thanks, TS. Yes it was a blast - didn't have a clue what we were doing either but another time I might feel more attuned so I'd definitely do it again. Recommended for an hour of escapism!

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