Tuesday 28 May 2019

Lipstick lover

What’s this – I haven’t blogged for weeks and then when I do it’s about lipstick?  We’re living in shitty times and I was so tempted to just post a picture of Nigel Farage with the title Oh Fuck today but I feel a strange, possibly slightly deranged, need to write about the waxy stubs I occasionally smear across my lips  instead.   Is it symptomatic perhaps?  The Bet Lynch form of therapy:  “There’s nowt a bit of lippy couldn’t solve”.  (Oh, if only.)

Anyway, I do like to pop on a little bit of lippy when I go out.  I’ve a nice orangey-red one right now.  I choose lipstick purely by the colours I think will suit me, like a pink that goes with my ears or a blood red that matches the veins in my eyes, that kind of thing. 

There’s no need to give each shade its own personal name as far as I’m concerned, that’s not a selling point.  I might vaguely see the labels on the rack when I’m buying them but they don't really register; they’re generally names derived from flowers or French words or fruits (strawberry, cherry, not so much kumquat).  Yesterday I realised that this orangey-red one I’m currently into could be called anything from Toxic Rust to Prickly Rash for all I know - so for some reason I decided to find out for sure and actually read the label.  I appreciate this isn't the mind-blowing info anyone else will be gagging to hear but if you've read this far then you may as well hang about for the answer....  

It's called Man Hunt!  I know, it's so 1972!

I am of course strictly anti-hunting for a start.... the only things I've ever hunted have been words and, in the past, some rare records and a house.  And as for the supposition that my quarry would be a man rather than any other variety of human...well, exactly - how very retro! (It would be, but one should never assume, should one?) 

Seems to me someone’s having a joyous time in whatever department it is that comes up with these less flowery names.  I want to work there.  Ah, imagine the whiteboards in the meetings.  It’s like those names they call house paints, especially from brands known for going beyond the realms of  Antique Cream with titles such as Elephant’s Breath, Arsenic, Earthworm, Sulking Room Pink, Down Pipe.   (Only one of those five isn't a real Farrow & Ball shade.  Can you guess which one?)

Whatever, I do rather like my lipstick’s non-politically-correct kitschy vibe, and I can’t help imagining an equally non-politically-correct 1970s advert for it featuring Valerie Leon and an E-type Jag - but  I just don’t think the manufacturer's intended market for a lipstick they call Man Hunt is women like me who are old enough to remember both...





22 comments:

  1. Kumquat, sulking room pink, Valerie Leon and a Jag. Brilliant post, C.

    Am guessing Earthworm isn't a real F&B colour, but has snuck in here as a nod to your interest in wormeries...?

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    1. Ah thanks Martin. It's like one of those challenges to write a story which includes random unrelated words. Hmm, might have to try that deliberately next time!
      Yes, you're right about the F&B colours, nice one. Surely 'Earthworm' (a lovely warm reddish ochre?) would be a lovely name for a paint shade (albeit, I am biased as you rightly surmise), far better than Down Pipe?!

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  2. "Elephant’s Breath, Arsenic, Earthworm, Sulking Room Pink, Down Pipe."

    Forget Farrow & Ball, I reckon any of those would be a better name for lipstick than Manhunt.

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    1. Good point! Think it's time they broadened their scope. 'Arsenic' lipstick has a definite ring to it...

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    2. Souns like a Fall set list

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  3. Welcome back and you've done it in style, with this tale of lipstick and paint nomenclature. Man Hunt! They seriously still call shades by that name? A hangover from days of old perhaps as I know there are still some colours that are threatened with being culled only to find ladies of a certain age petitioning for a stay of execution. Rose Sorbet by Rimmel is highly sought after on eBay and sells for big prices. Like Yve I have discovered that some colours really don't work well with tooth enamel and in middle-age I have had to abandon my fave bright red for a more muted tone - All issues most of our male counterparts don't have to worry about.

    None of those paint colours look plausible actually but surely there can't be an Elephant's Breath although grey seems to be the in-shade at the moment and it does sound as if it would be very grey.

    As for all the political shenanigans, it just gets crazier by the week and it's not showing any sign of improving any time soon. Scary times call for a lot of lippy, but sadly Bet, this time it won't solve much.

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    1. Thanks Alyson. I didn't know that about the highly sought after Rose Sorbet lipstick. I do hope eBay aren't selling second-hand sticks, ugh: "one careful owner" ;-)
      I know what you mean about the bright red too. Anything too dark and bright does nothing for my palour or, as you say, the colour of my teeth. If only Man Hunt didn't have such a crap name, but the colour is soft at least!

      I think all those F&B names are a bit weird but was chuffed to see you thought that 'Earthworm' would be feasible... ! I couldn't resist.

      Indeed, the political shenanigans are utterly depressing. Wine helps ;-)

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  4. It wasn't just lipstick, was it? I give you Tramp!

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    1. Exactly! I think I'm in a time warp...

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  5. I know - I had to do a double take with the lipstick name. Mind you, following this and wondering about other names I stumbled across a new make-up range from one company (can't remember who now) called 'The Orgasm Range' so who knows where it's all going to go!
    You brightened my day too with that info about the Pro-Remain parties. Proves how crap the system is though, that everyone gets what basically amounts to the minority choice.

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  6. Finally, a blog post that speaks to me. ;)

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    1. Well, it's something so many of us can relate to :-)

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  7. Now I can actually smell Hai Karate. Sadly after my mum bought it for me I never encountered Valerie ....

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  8. Ah, that's lovely. Fortunately not so stupid as to click on your link, dear Anon.

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  9. I had the same comment over at my place. I gave it the deletion it deserved...

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  10. Replies
    1. Indeed, what a twat. (Anon I mean!)

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    2. Me too. As a father of a son with autism, I was thrilled.

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    3. Yep, offensive on so many levels. At least the only person who looks like a stupid dick is him.

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  11. Amazing, isn't it? In this instance I don't mind letting the writer make an idiot of himself here for all to see.

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