Tuesday 27 November 2018

Grey area


Soapbox time!

A friend of mine went to her school reunion recently.  “You know it was so funny to see that all the men with hair there had gone grey,” she said, “...but none of the women had!”  

They say that grey hair adds six years to a woman’s age. Gee, thanks for that, just what we need for our confidence when we're already going through you know what.

Of course that's perpetuated when so many use artificial hair colour.  Imagine if everyone who covers up their grey hair stopped doing so, then this ‘six years older’ thing would be meaningless.  It’d be no big deal as, by the time we reach our mid-fifties, most people have gone at least 50% grey anyway.

However, as every modern woman knows, it’s against the rules to show your age.  

For example, you rarely see a middle-aged female TV presenter with grey/white hair, compared to their many male counterparts for whom it doesn't seem to be a problem.  (Gets me all feminist, this...)  The pressure on women in the media to stay looking younger is colossal and, ridiculously, it seems their jobs can depend on it  - but that's a whole topic for another time and place.

Although, seeing as I've brought it up...

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

See what I mean?

Anyway, in the meantime, I'm taking a stand.

White hair is nothing new to me; since late childhood I’ve had one small patch of it – a ‘Mallen Streak'.*


The 'Mallen' Streak, as later sported by Dave Vanian

and more naturally by the Millibands


It's not that much but I hated it.  I remember the time a couple of mean girls at school shouted, “Ugh! You’re going grey!”  and, as a sensitive 13-year old, this felt mortifying. So bleaching the whole of my hair and adding unrealistic colours through the punk/post-punk era conveniently disguised it as well and I loved what I could do with all those nasty smelling chemicals.  It's ages since I've used peroxide or Crazy Colour  – but still I've spent years tinting that stubborn white stripe (I should call it Jack) to blend in with the rest.

This year the long, sunny Summer bleached my dishwater blonde and the freaky white bit didn’t show up as much so I left it.  But now, as my Winter coat grows, it's more obvious, and suddenly so are plenty of other new white hairs joining it.  I'm going grey.  Just as you'd expect at my age.

So I could reach for some Nice'n'Easy now and be ruled by an endless regime of dyeing and touching up roots.  Or I could just think, you know what, fuck it.   Doesn’t mean I've given up caring about appearance - just that I’m still me, whatever.  If it's against the rules to show your age, what are rules for if not to be challenged and rebelled against?  Why should visible signs of maturity be so negative for women?  (I think men still look great with grey hair... or no hair... and all stages between!)

I may cave in, especially if I get talked down to like a little old lady, whereupon I'll be tempted to do all manner of unspeakable things with the pointy end of an umbrella, and then reach for the bottle (of 103A Medium Blonde). 

For now, though, I'm finding it oddly liberating and have decided, in defiance of both sexism and ageism, to embrace it.  So there!

Exhibit C

* Apparently it's 'Poliosis', a genetic condition where there is an absence of melanin in head hair, eyebrows or eyelashes.

29 comments:

  1. Well played, C, and looking good au naturel. I wouldn't swear to it but I think Johnny Marr had a bit of a grey streak at a recent gig too, though I don't think his was poliosis.

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    1. Thanks Martin - happy to be in the company of Johnny Marr whatever!
      This obsession with looking/staying young has reached the most ridiculous proportions now... have you seen this latest?!
      https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/shortcuts/2018/nov/26/foreskin-facial-kate-beckinsale-serum-anti-ageing

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    2. I know! It's like something out of Reeves and Mortimer - just imagine it in Vic's voice: "Kate Beckinsale using anti-ageing serum made from the discarded foreskins of South Korean babies..." The comedy writes itself sometimes.

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    3. I read the Guardian piece and can find no words. On second thoughts, I heartily second John's comment.

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  2. I've learned to embrace it; no choice really, I'd have been in my mid/late twenties when I started to 'do a Visage'.

    I give you - Exhibit 'J'

    Lovely photograph btw.

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    1. Ah thanks John, yes I remember that post now and still stand by my comment!
      We're all on the same journey and it's hard for everyone. Sadly still that bit harder for women in our culture though. Makes me feisty!

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  3. A couple of weeks ago a girl at work complimented my (now virtually silver) hair, saying that she wished she could get her full head of naturally dark hair to dye this colour. She's 23.

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    1. As Alyson says below, 'grey' hair is very on trend at the moment - the synthetic kind anyway! - how lovely to have yours complimented by a 23-year old. I think a shock of silver hair on a man looks great. Also actually thinking the blue rinse might be a good option now - Mrs Slocombe's colour in above pic is positively punky!

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  4. You always look fantastic whatever your hair colour, but grey is right on trend at the moment anyway, so good timing. I have a friend who decided to give up on the hair dye a couple of years ago and her silver grey hair suits her pinkish skin colouring so much better than any bottled colour. Not quite as brave yet myself as I have a feeling my Scottish "moosey broon" hair still needs a bit of help. In time no doubt.


    I have also been considering writing about the difference between male and female presenters of late, as been getting really annoyed at how every female around my age now seems to be frozen with botox from the top lip up (and don't get me started on those ridiculous top lips). Their mouths and chins move a lot, but nothing else - They are petrified, petrified of getting old it seems, but the men get away with it. Not fair at all.


    Re the Mallen Streak, Dave Vanian has also been in my thoughts of late. We have a large badgers set up the hill from us, and they sometimes come down at night. If I did write about our encounters, the featured song would really have to come from him. Your "mini" Mallen streak is just adorable btw.

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    1. Oh thank you Alyson, you are far too kind...but so lovely of you to say.

      I know what you mean about hair colour and complexion too, dyed hair on older skin can look really obvious/clash so perhaps we are really meant to just naturally transform over the years. It's a matter for personal choice in the transition period and I think probably a bit easier for women who are fair to start with as not such a leap from dark to light - I'm sure yours would look lovely, but totally understand resisting it for a while! It's like I wouldn't want to go out without some make-up, it just makes me feel like I'm making the best of myself. Just reading your comment and the word 'brave' and I was thinking that too - I feel like I've had to be strong just to let myself go grey! - but how crazy/disproportionate it is when you analyse it that we should have to feel 'brave/strong' about such a little thing!

      I could rant on forever about everything I hate on the subject of fake looks. Botox, those ridiculous (and painful looking!) lips, pillow cheeks, fake boobs and bums, aarghhhh.... there is nothing that says "I'm insecure" more clearly and loudly than people's need to change their perfectly normal and fine individual appearance into the freaky cartoon parody that is perceived as 'beauty' now. You're so right - petrified. The men get away with it but even then it seems it's starting to pervade the world of younger men already, they're catching up with looks-obsessed young women - equality was never meant to be that, surely! Anyway... phew... need to calm down now... let's talk about badgers!

      Badgers near you - fantastic! Yes a post and some Dave Vanian would be great to see over at your place.

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    2. Shouldn't really have said the word "brave" should I, but awful that it kind of sums up what we have to feel like. As for my hair looking lovely without some help - No, it wouldn't! I have seen the roots, and it would just look a dull mouse colour, so will have to wait until it looks fully grey which could be a while. The hairdresser is going to benefit financially for a another few years.

      Meant to say that I too read the Guardian article and am beyond horrified. Where is it all going to end?

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    3. I know what you mean about fully grey - just patchy here at moment so quite looking forward to it all being the same some day. I've actually taken to a 'brightening' shampoo which is a rich dark purple in the bottle, to enrich the platinum hue, or so they say!
      Sorry about the article! It's just madness, isn't it? I wonder how they came up with the idea!

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    4. It really is "rich coloured" that shampoo isn't it? The friend I went to Belfast with recently uses it, so I had a little try - She swears by it!

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    5. Oh how funny, it's obviously the in thing... the blue rinse of today.

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  5. I certainly don't think it makes you look old (whatever that means these days) C, I think it looks classy, and particularly suits your shorter 'do.

    I wish I hadn't clicked on that Guardian link though. Once seen, never unseen.

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    1. I'll take classy! So kind, thank you.
      Sorry about the Guardian link but it had to be seen to be believed...

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  6. I started greying a few years ago and very occasionally wonder if I should have done *something* about it. Something about a middle aged man dying his hair that is a bit comic

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    1. I think you did the right thing by not doing anything! It can look a bit desperate, can't it?

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  7. And the name of this brightening shampoo would be...? Just asking for a friend.

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    1. The one I'm trying is called A Touch Of Silver (I think there are a few similar products). Available from most chemists, it "...contains violet pigment to actively neutralise brassy, yellow tones and treat colour fading and dullness..." I'm sure your friend would like it :-) It does pong a bit, though.

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  8. My friend tells me he quite likes the pong. He's used it a couple of times now.

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    1. I'm sure it suits your friend very well too.

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  9. Given this quite a bit of thought since I read your post a few days ago. At first, I took the superior stand that anyone who tries to hide grey is being ridiculous. Just be true to yourself. Let it all hang out. Don't waste your time or your money.

    Now I'm thinking life is pretty hard, and a youthful appearance in this superficial world, unfortunately, probably does matter. If someone wants to color their hair because it makes them feel better or more confident or seems necessary in their professional life to remain relevant (boy, that sounds awful), hey, who am I to judge?

    The world sure can be an ugly sometimes, and I'm not talking about grey hair.

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    1. I do agree, Brian and I hope it didn't sound as if I have anything against anyone - particularly women as that's my angle - covering up the grey. It's just that what you said is exactly it: the importance of a youthful appearance in a superficial world, and how that in itself is how we're made to feel all the time, especially for females. We're all going to get old and we're all going to show our age some time and what a shame that we should feel that goes hand-in-hand with our levels of confidence, when really it should be the opposite - experience, wisdom, acceptance, etc. being our true assets. But I know that's the basics and the world is the way it is but it's just a shame it puts so much pressure on our looks. I think that's what I'm railing against - not any individual, just society. (As ever!! It's doomed to failure!) But I'm just hoping that one day there can be a shift in thinking, as I don't want to be judged by my greying hair either! (I should add too that from a personal position I am so closeted from the wider world - working at home and invisible to my clients who can only judge me on my work and my communications, so I'm very fortunate.) If older women's natural looks were more celebrated in the media I'm sure it would nurture wider acceptance but it seems this isn't going to happen any time soon.

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  10. Rail away, C. We are on the same side here. I'm doing my best to have sympathy for those who feel like they have to hide the grey.

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    1. Thanks Brian. It's a tricky one, trickier than it should be! I must say, if anyone offers me a seat on a train or offers to help me across the road I'll be going down to the hairdressers pronto!

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