Lying in bed this morning, Mr SDS and I started talking about Chas ’n’ Dave. As you do.
He and I both have some tenuous connections to this 'Rockney' duo. Dave Peacock used to live in a village up the road from Mr SDS’ family home, so he would sometimes be seen drinking at their local. And, if you believe in the ‘born within the sound of Bow Bells’ birthright, I'm truly Cockney, as I came into the world at the London Hospital in Whitechapel (and it was so long ago that said bells could still be heard above the clatter of hooves on cobbles). However, I promise you that neither of us has ever owned a Chas ’n’ Dave album, nor been to a Cockney Knees Up. Hand on strawberry tart.
Anyway… Mr SDS was reminding me of the time when Dave left the band and rumour had it that Chas advertised for a replacement, with the condition that the new incumbent would also have to be called Dave.
“Imagine all the Daves he could’ve teamed up with,” Mr SDS says, with a gleam in his eye, “like….Dave Gilmour?”
“Or David Cassidy!” I reply.
“How about David Byrne?”
We giggle at the thought of Chas singing the chorus to 'Psycho Killer': Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better… With silent ‘T’s in ‘better’, of course.
“David Sylvian!” suggests Mr SDS and launches into a staccato rendition of ‘Ghosts’ in a faux East End accent.
“And David Bowie!” I can sort of hear David returning effortlessly to his early Anthony Newley singing style, perhaps duetting with Chas on ‘Love You ‘Til Tuesday’.
Then Mr SDS came out with the classic. “Dave VANIAN!”
“New Rose!” I exclaimed. At this point I’d like you to imagine a Cockney Knees Up version of this song – it’s not hard, is it? It would be perfect. Absolutely perfect.
I gotta new rose, I got ‘er good
Guess I knew that I always would
with a strident pub piano hammering out the chords, and then the chorus…
I never thought this would ‘appen to meeeeeee
Plus, they could make ‘Neat Neat Neat’ into the new ‘Rabbit’. And can’t you just imagine joining in for their pub singalong … Just for you, ‘ere’s a love song…
Chas ’n’ Dave Vanian. Who wouldn’t pay good sausage ’n’ mash to see that?