Wednesday 25 January 2012

Unaccustomed as I am...

I don’t know why I did, but I said “Yes”.  In fact I said “Yes, that’s fine, no problem, I look forward to it”.  That was six months ago and it didn’t seem like a problem then, it was fine and it was a long long way ahead to look forward to.  But now there’s only a month to go and I’m wondering why I agreed….to give a public talk.  An hour-long one at that!  I know this is no big deal to a lot of people; giving speeches, lectures or presentations is just part of daily work.  But it is a big deal to me.  Over the last ten years, working freelance from home and burying my nose in paper and paints most of the day, talking usually involves no more than two people at a time.  And that’s just me and my husband.  No shyness, no inhibitions, no requirement to please...  Oh, and no payment either.   Now I’ve agreed to talk to a group of people I don’t know and of an unspecified quantity – although I’m told it could be near the hundred mark – and I have a small remuneration to justify.  The pressure is on.

The first time I stood in front of a really large group of people and opened my mouth to speak was when I was seven.  My best friend at school had persuaded me to join her in reading something for morning assembly.  The butterflies appeared in my stomach from the moment I awoke that day, and throughout breakfast and the short walk to school they turned into monstrous pterodactyls on speed, crashing against my rib cage from the inside.  By the time Ruth and I stepped into the hall, with its freshly polished parqué flooring and the smell of its junior gym equipment suddenly becoming more nauseating than ever before, I was a quivering mess of blushing self-consciousness.  In front of us was the school’s entire population of teachers and pupils:  around 8 grown-up, big people and nearly 200 fidgety, farting, nose-picking little people.   It came to my crucial moment  – I opened my mouth – something came out – but not the words on the page in front of me.  It was some stumbling, stilted, stuttering version of what it was supposed to be.  Finally, in what seemed like a lifetime later, it was over.  I turned to Ruth, mortified.  “It was my teeth” I said, “there’s something wrong with my teeth.”   Of course there was nothing wrong with my juvenile molars. The sad truth is that, at the tender age of seven, I already realised that it was too embarrassing to even admit to being embarrassed. 

Well that was long ago and I’m a little more confident now - Ruth would be proud - but nevertheless it feels like a daunting task.  I’ll be talking about my work and experiences to a group of fellow artists/enthusiasts so I know it’s  a safe subject and a relatively non-hostile environment.  With several props and quite a few ideas floating around my head, I need to put it all together and come up with something that will keep the audience interested – lots of planning and practice runs might help.  Strangely, in spite of my nerves and fears I can’t help feeling quite enthused at the challenge; as a kind friend said, I’ll probably feel exhilarated too once it’s done.  Right now, though, it’s still a big deal and I know I’ll be embarrassed.  I can admit that now.  I'm filled with dread.  I’d better book myself in at the dentists before the big day.


How NOT to trip over your words....

12 comments:

  1. Ooh, exciting and quite scary. As long as you're enthused about your subject - and you are, hugely - you should be just fine. I had to read one of my short stories out a while back, and I was terrified for the first twenty seconds but then just decided to enjoy myself. I felt great afterwards, and you will too. Have fun with it!

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  2. Between school and my job I have spent the last decade talking to crowds of various sizes. I always get a little nervous but, thankfully I don't have any anxiety about it. I'm able to ignore it; however, there was one episode that came with more stress than I could ignore.

    Years ago Mississippi held a vote on keeping or removing the Confederate Ensign from our state flag. Debates were held all over the state....including Millsaps College where I was an undergraduate. The problem was the committee couldn't find any students that would volunteer to argue in favor of keeping it. At some point, probably while I was working one of the 30 hours I put in a week, or while I was working on my full course load, or while trying to squeeze in some husband time, they decided I would it.

    Evidently I was the last unreconstructed Southroner left on campus. So my mentor....a man that knew exactly what my schedule was like...asked if I would do it. If it had been any other issue...if anybody else had asked...I would have said no. Not only did I not have the time but the audience, I was assured, would be large and hostile. Violence wasn't entirely out of the question but, it was doubtful I'd be shot and however bad it got they couldn't make me pregnant...and it was an argument that had to be made. So, I did it...and dreaded it right up to the moment.

    I spent most of my energies formulating the least expected argument...I came up with something off the wall but rock solid. My thinking was that they would be too bothered trying to figure out where I was coming from to notice me at all. I didn't really look up til about a minute into it...when I did it was obvious from the looks on their faces that I had succeeded. From then on I was totally relaxed.

    I wish I had something better to offer but, when you're dealing with a genuine fear it's almost impossible to address it rationally...I have my own set of those. I will say this, your ability to communicate, as demonstrated here, is top notch. It doesn't matter what you're writing about...it's always engaging and i never think about the fact that i'm reading. Just do what you do here and you'll knock 'Em out.

    There's alway's whiskey and cocaine to get you through.

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  3. ... or pretend you are somebody else, somebody who does these kinds of things all the time. :^)

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  4. Thanks so much to the three of you for such sound and kind advice!

    ISBW – that’s so reassuring, thank you, and yes I’m sure a conscious decision to enjoy it will help. Great too that you had fun with your short story reading, it must have been daunting wondering about the reactions to it – I’m most impressed that you did that!

    Thanks Efb – wow, what an experience you had, scary or what? - Love that about the assurance you got that the audience would be ‘large and hostile’! Puts things into perspective! Thanks so much for your compliments. Plus I’ll keep a whisky bottle to hand just in case…

    Rebecca – thank you, that’s a great one too! Yes I sometimes wonder if I imagine I’m acting the part of a confident person/speaker whether I can pull it off convincingly – it’s got to be worth a go!

    I may report back on here after the event - meantime I’d better get stuck into my preparation work, I’ve been putting it off….

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    Replies
    1. The trick is a reasonable amount of alcohol - say, six pints of lager or a bottle and half of wine - just before before you go on. I'm thinking Michael Caine at the lectern in 'Educating Rita"....what could go wrong?

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  5. Ah, thanks for that, A! Seems like all those painstaking hours of preparation I was going to put in (writing out a lengthy plan, collating things to show, rehearsing, etc.)can now be reduced to simply sourcing the appropriate drugs and alcohol: whisky and cocaine as suggested by efb, and a six-pack of lager and two (yes I know you said a bottle and a half but why waste any) bottles of wine... Simples! I'll let you know how it goes.

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  6. I will buy you a pony IF you can provide video evidence that you applied this approach to your presentation.

    A pony.

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    1. A pony, you say, efb? Hmm..I'd always wanted a pony. Will have to give this some serious consideration... (strokes chin)

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  7. I love your blog. You have quite a way with words! I look forward to reading your older posts.

    As for the public speaking, I find it helps to rub an object (discretely, obviously) with your thumb as it hides in the palm of your hand (such as a paperclip or small piece of a nail filer). Yes, the latter may seem like an odd choice, but the texture of it really helps shift your attention away from the 8 hundred eyeballs looking at you! I have a phobia of speaking to large groups and this works for me everytime.

    I wish you luck! :)

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    Replies
    1. Hi S and welcome! Thank you for such kind words too (blush). That's interesting about the object in the hand. I'm one of those people who tends to fiddle with things anyway (hair, fingers, buttons, etc.) so it would be a good trick to ensure I don't start doing that in the middle as well!
      Sounds like you've done this public speaking lark quite often? Feeling better about it already...thanks.

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  8. you know you can do it! just dont give away all your secrets in one go - and remember you can always present it through the medium of modern dance !

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    1. Oh thank you, Bel Mondo, and it's lovely to see you here again! As for the modern dance thing - well if Pete Murphy and Jimmy Pursey can do it, why not? (Or perhaps that should be "why...?"!)

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