Sunday 13 January 2019

Pretty pretty vacant

A cringe moment:

I was Johnny Rotten.
Singing 'Pretty Vacant'.
On an open air stage.
In front of a hundred people...
...Maybe more.
Without a mic.

I wasn't alone - my friend accompanied me.
Pretending to be Sid Vicious.
With curly hair.
And no bass.

We snarled and swaggered and posed our way through our chosen song and won third prize in the Miming Competition.  Maybe there were only three acts.  I think we got away with it; we must have been pretty... convincing?

Despite being a bit drunk.
And fourteen.
And, you know...

...female!

Thank god there was no YouTube in '78. No camera-phones. It must have been horrendous.  But perhaps that's why we were so uninhibited too?  It was a moment in time, spontaneous, never to be recorded or viewed again. A moment, that's all.  Here today, gone tomorrow.  Whatever happened to that?!

So, how it was is this: my friend and I had tipsily convinced ourselves we could enter a competition (part of a free live music event in a local park)  just as it was happening, with no real forethought and certainly no preparation.  Oh, the bravado!  I would never do something like that in all the years since. I suppose it was like a forerunner to Karaoke (we're talking 40+ years ago, after all) although without the live vocals, just the posturing.  I do remember standing there and not really being able to see the crowd, just looking out in a cider-induced daze, imagining myself as Johnny - a silly, inebriated, normally shy schoolgirl doing her best to mimic a fully-grown man.  There are two key things about that which I was just never going to pull off:  fully-grown and man (if you'll please excuse the double entendre).  And glancing across at my dear mate, who was doing the same. I think we 'won' some record tokens.

When we came off the stage we were both immediately chatted up by a pair of young lads who perhaps saw our bluster as a sign that we were a couple of goers. I don't remember a lot about what happened next but suffice it to say I became vaguely acquainted with a skinhead boy who told me he was on holiday (?!) from Borstal.  Class!  Actually I seem to recall he was quite nice but I only got to see him in the dark so who can say?

Pretty vacant sums it all up....


Aren't you glad sometimes that, like me, you're all grown-up and sensible now?!

10 comments:

  1. I'm imagining an alternate, steam-punk past in which hand-cranked smartphones enabled video to be recorded and uploaded to ThouTube or some such... for surely this was a sight that should have been immortalised :)

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    1. 'ThouTube' - love it. Oh, how life was in ye olden dayes. I'm so glad there was no opportunity for immortalisation! Thinking about it I wonder if the way it is now changes people's behaviour - for instance, I would never have done that had I thought anyone could record/upload it anywhere for the world to see. So it would have altered that night completely. On the other hand there are probably those who would have done such a thing for no other reason than for that very purpose.

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    2. At the weekend, I was trying to explain how Morrissey had once danced with gladioli. All I had to hand was a couple of past-their-best leeks, so there I was, Moz-dancing around the kitchen with two leeks. A phone appeared and was pointed in my direction. I stopped dancing immediately, although a little part of me wishes I hadn't. I guess there's a (generational?) hand-brake that I will always struggle to release.

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    3. Well now, of course, you've captured my imagination and I can't help but wish for the chance to witness the Moz-dancing with leeks! Similarly, one day recently, dressed sloppily in old jumper, leggings and slippers, unwashed hair, no make-up, I was tempted out of curiosity to try doing 'The Floss' and couldn't master it (still can't). Mr SDS thought it would be a good idea to film this attempt just so he could show me what I was doing so I could figure out where I was going wrong (as I knew it wouldn't look like I thought it looked - it didn't). In spite of my pleas for him to delete it, it's still on his phone.... aarghh....

      And who knows what else is being captured without our knowledge?! I don't like it.

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    4. I look forward to the floss post then... ;)

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  2. Love it! Our actions, pre-camera phone, were more the better for spontaneity, and less choreography. So much more entertaining to hear the story first hand. Don't grow up. It's a trap!

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    1. That's so true - let's hear it for spontaneity. There's no way I could have been persuaded to do such a thing had there been any threat of it being filmed. I think perhaps the whole mentality towards that has changed now though, and assume it's no longer thought of as a big deal.
      Haha, the adult trap! Must admit I still haven't come to terms with being one!

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  3. Me and a couple of friends did,or attempted to do a similar thing at our school Christmas end of term party/review in 1978.Along with a load of our fellow pupils who were doing various bits and pieces we were going to mime to Anarchy In The UK and then smash all our "equipment" up at the end.We had managed to get hold of a real rubbishy old drum kit(I was the drummer)and the guitarist/singer and bass player had some pretty naff old guitars and some boxes that we made to look like amps and speakers(I think one was even an old radio - DIY impro in true punk style !! hahahaaa).Anyway,a few days before the event we were pulled from the bill as it was deemed we were not taking it seriously despite our claims that destruction was creation and that our work had as much artistic merit as any other act on the bill.One of the teachers sort of saw the point we were making(or were we taking the piss?) - he couldn't quite work it out.In fact,in the spirit of the times we were doing both.Thats what I liked about punk - it was deadly serious but didn't take itself too seriously,well,to those who were self aware enough.In summary,there were no camera-phones to record this momentous performance that didn't even happen - now thats what I call punk...!!hahahaaa....as a side note,this was another notch on our belt of punk credibility as it demonstarted that "The Man" was still oppressing and marginalising us which justified us further kicking against the "system" maaaaan (BTW I found your blog via Swiss Adam who recommended your review of "Arcadia" - yep,I saw it a few months back...absolutely brilliant.Watched it a couple more times on the iPlayer too.
    Since I found my way here via SA i've read a lot of your posts - we're the same age,got into punk back in the old days and yes,I played in a few bands between 1979 and 1987 when mortgages and children took me off the rock n roll highway.I have similar tales of long cold uncomfortable journeys on the way back from gigs(trying to sleep on speakers,ending up staying in strange places etc.)...when I got a bit of time I'll tell you more.MO

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    1. Hi MO, thanks for coming by and commenting - really interesting. I wonder if, like me, you find it hard to get across some of the things about punk that people who weren't into it at the time just don't get? I can still get the feeling now if I think back to early gig nights or see old photos, etc. and your story about your school party, erm, "non"-performance sums it up somehow... (love it). And yeah, no camera-phones, everything was very much in the moment, just as well for me as I behaved really cringily (?) at times, but how brilliant to be so free and not have to worry about anything being dug up and used to embarrass us in the future! There was a different kind of self-consciousness...
      Feel free to tell more of your tales some time, do you have a blog anywhere?
      Great too that you liked Arcadia, fantastic film.

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