There's a line from a song I used to have, and I can't find the track nor remember the title but this tiny fragment of a lyric sticks in my mind:
“???? girl, at ease in this world...”
Without wishing to sound wilfully obscure I think it was off the
Someloves cassette that I had years ago. I didn't know of this Australian power pop band (who've made an appearance on this blog before, here) until a good friend recorded some tracks for
me in the '80s, but later when I'd saved up enough to visit Australia I bought the album there. It was the only musical
souvenir I came back with (I didn't get a didgeridoo) and I played it incessantly for a period. And then for some mad reason I gave it
All that's beside the point, though - the point is that lyric.
It stayed in my mind 'cause every time I heard that line I smiled and thought, “Yes! That's what I want to be...at ease in this world.” I'd
have this vision in my head of a new improved version of me, the
me I aspired to be. 'At ease in this world' means at ease with oneself, I think. Isn't that the ultimate, just to feel like
that? Don't most of our problems stem from lacking a sense of
self... self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth?
Whilst there's loads about the tangible world I'm very uneasy with - the usual big issues like war (what is it good for) - I think I'm as at ease with myself now as I'll ever be, if it's about knowing and accepting yourself, shortcomings and all. Must be an age thing! No matter who accompanies us physically and partly shapes our experiences and personalities throughout life, we're still completely alone in ourselves, aren't we? - so it does help to be comfortable with the one and only person you spend your entire existence with...
This reminds me, I was talking to someone the other day who had a little bit of a snipe at blogging. (But please don't slag them off,
I love them!) Their impression of blogging is that it's too full of
people being navel-gazing or nostalgic, that it's really just the
worst kind of vanity publishing and that it's pointless just posting
music and pictures. I quickly sprang to its defence, naturally. I spend a
lot of time working alone and whilst very happy in my own company, blogs help to remind me that there are so many interesting people and so much good writing, art and music that I mightn't come across otherwise (you can find some down the right hand side). I miss real-life banter and stimulating debates with different people, so it's like my coffee
machine conversation, a lunchtime mag or music rag, it's meetings of minds, sharing of memories, and trips to the gigs, libraries or galleries that I don't get to see. Plus when I'm working I find I have random conversations with myself (but don't worry, not out loud), then as
I've nobody new to discuss my thoughts with at the time I keep them 'til
later, when I might write a post. Or leave a comment. The interactive side of
blogging is a great bonus, an affirmation that there are others at the end of an internet connection with whom I feel at ease and I hope they - you - are at ease with
Anyway I can't find the bloody song anywhere although I've
searched lyrics sites and Youtube clips. Oh god, what if I imagined it all?! Too much time on my own, navel-gazing.